Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
