I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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