I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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