so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
