Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
