So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
