I cockslap morals
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
