his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
