saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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