Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
