my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
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also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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