Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
