It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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