college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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