piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Apparently you make a good broom.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
