used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
