he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
