Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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