Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
