This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
