Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
