Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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