Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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