Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Randomize
