someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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