I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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