I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
