Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
