my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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