I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
