I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
