I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
