You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
