3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
this will be a night to untag.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
