Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
