that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
