I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
and you said cock pushups were impossible
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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