YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
