So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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