nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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