The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
