Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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