All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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