I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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