Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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