is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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