how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
