I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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