i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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