I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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