I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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